Born Stroppy Blog

In Born Stroppy, I candidly share an episode of anger and sadness to demonstrate the cost of maternity activism but also to talk about the RAIN practice and how it helps us deal with these strong emotions.

This week I was reminded of the part of the book and the RAIN practice when a friend tragically died.   I came home, angry and irritable – I was annoyed with my daughter for leaving her stuff around, I was annoyed that the bath was not cleaned properly I was irritated by the piece of wood I had to walk around for a week whilst David did his DIY… but luckily it was time for my meditation practice and as soon as I shut the door and sat still I realised that these small irritations were proxies for the BIG ONE – that my good friend had died, and her partner another good friend was in deep grief.  Why did the world have to be like this! I was angry…but because I was hurting.This was the R of RAIN – Recognising what is really going on. The tears came and I stopped being brave and allowed and accepted my feelings – the A of Rain. I then paid intimate attention to myself and my feelings – the I of RAIN. My shoulders dropped – I did not need to fight this, I felt the heaviness in my heart, I watched a mind desperate to escape sorrow look for something else to think about – and held it all with compassion as I held this bereaved family with compassion, as I held all those who grieve this night with compassion.  And so the N of rain: nurturing myself, holding myself gently. And also opening wide to all – because this is not all about me, and not all of me is this: being human can be difficult and we all need and deserve compassion especially when we are grieving. So I came to rest and feel centred. When I left the room, I could hug my family and the minor irritations did not matter anymore.  Over the next few days I have had to return again and again to Recognising what I am really feeling, Acknowledging it, giving it Intimate attention and Nurturing myself.  Although not easy to do, I find it alot easier than my old habits of trying to ignore it and making it about something else easier to shout about!  If you want to know more, look up Tara Brach who teaches the RAIN practice.  In the meantime, here is how I wrote up this experience.

 

ANGER.

Things are not as I want them to be:

the bath needs cleaning , what my daughter said, the wood in the way

…and D dying,

and K grieving

It maybe the way of the world

But it is not the way I want it to be!

 

And now tears…of an aching heart.

Comfort, comfort my hurting self

Sooth, sooth my grieving self

Open, open to love and compassion

For all those who hurt and grieve

this night.

Dear all,

For those who missed another fabulous ARM conference that left me buzzing. Here is my 5 minute speech to hopefully give you a buzz.

Buy that book and make that vow!

 

Changing the way the wind blows

ARM November 2024

Because it is important to grasp, that politicians; at Westminster, the Town Hall, NHS Commissioners and managers – politicians are wet fingered: they hold their wet fingers up to SEE WHICH WAY THE POLITICAL WIND IS BLOWING!

And so it is true to say that change will happen not so much by replacing one wet-fingered politician with another, as much as changing the way the political wind blows.  As ordinary women and men, we may not be able to change the actual people making the decisions in the health and maternity services, but we do have it within our power to change the way the political wind blows: by that I mean the criteria, the culture, the context in which those decisions are made.

We need to be determined, clever, fun.

We need to band together to organise and unionise, to write letters and demonstrate. 

And we need to educate, educate, educate.

Talk to our daughters, sisters, mothers;

Talk to our sons, husbands, brothers;

And we need to fearlessly claim our heritage to birth and bring to birth, 

To be the women, the mothers, the midwives we are.

We need to campaign as determinedly and creatively as we give birth, 

Because our daughters are worth it – not sire why this is red either

– and so are we.

Nb This below should not be in italicised apart from Everyone!

I am so pleased to be here alongside two other authors publishing their books today.  As a community we need to be publishing books, we need to be writing reports and setting up studies and publishing research.  We need to be lobbying Government and health agencies, standing for Parliament and nominating our senior leaders to the Lords. We need to do all this and more as part of demanding a maternity service that is fit for purpose.  

I remember years ago Caroline Flint talking to a previous conference about the beginning of the ARM.  She talked about making a vow to speak everyday about midwifery and about homebirth.  There at the supermarket checkout….beep…we drink a lot of tea you know…beep…I am a midwife and midwives drink a lot of tea…beep… and biscuits…whilst we are attending a homebirth….

I made a similar vow in my own way talking about birth and breastfeeding at the school gates, at work, at church, on the train – that was a laugh with a carriage full of drunk firemen!  Honestly, even now at a business meeting I will have the birth story of everyone at a meeting including the men – especially the men thinking about it!

To change the way the wind blows it will take all of us every day doing something to champion midwifery and a proper maternity service. Every day.  It will mean different things depending on our roles in life, but every day we all need to be doing something to champion midwifery and demand a maternity service fit for purpose.  It will take thousands of us, techno-literate and media savvy to make it impossible for our cause to be ignored.

I would like you to buy BORN STROPPY – of course I would! – I think it will help you make change happen, it gives you tools and strategies and ideas- AND there is a never to be repeated offer for you conference delegates  – £15 a book signed and delivered!.  

But, it really does not matter if you buy my book or if you don’t – it really does not matter.  Because what really matters (to me) is that you make that vow today, you make that vow and go from here championing midwifery and autonomy for women and birthing people every single day using every tool and trick in the book. HANDS UP FOR MIDWIFERY! Because then I will know that in my life time we might change the way the political wind is blowing for maternity and have the maternity care we deserve.  That is my dream and I hope it is yours.

Remember politicians; at Westminster, the Town Hall, NHS Commissioners and managers – politicians are wet fingered: they hold their wet fingers up to SEE WHICH WAY THE POLITICAL WIND IS BLOWING!  So let’s change the way the wind blows today! 

 

 

Older blogs can be found here.

Old Site https://campaigningmother.blogspot.com/

Also https://bornstroppy.wordpress.com/about/